Hello and welcome to Part Two of Fanbetch Reviews' review of School Days. I sincerely apologize for the recent and unforeseen slip in my schedule. I honestly thought I can keep up my work between working full time Walmart temporarily and an online philosophy class dealing with modern ethical issues. Even with about 50 hours of my week taken up by work and class, and even with sleep factored in, that's still about 62-69 hours a week to kick around. And yet I still don't know where all the time goes. There must truly be a beast within me with an insatiable craving for JRPGs at off hours. And that's a shame. Either way, I will do my absolute best to ensure that this blog at least has one post a week. Thank you very much for keeping up with it despite the scant entries.
Ah yes, but to the plot. We left off with Makoto, the generic pasty harem lead loser somehow winning the heart of the most beautiful and kind girl in school. Stop me if you've heard this one. But his tomboyish friend who sits next to him in class sets them up, and then kisses him in public, because it turns out that she loves him too. Again, stop me if you've heard this one. So since our hero is brutally aware of the vapid love triangle surrounding him, he decides to get both his tomboyish friend and his new girlfriend together to have a frank discussion of where they stand, and set boundaries and resolve any lingering conflicts that could get away of their mutual friendship and happiness. Ah, my apologies-he just ignores that and goes on a date with his girlfriend while she's totally in the dark that her best friend wants to jump his bones. Don't know how I got those two confused.
Anyway, it's time for episode two, the date episode! I admit, I was being brutally and unfairly hard on Makoto and the show the first part of the review. I mean, the guy was a nervous loser around the girl he had a crush on. You've been there before-you're on the internet. Thank goodness that the show is kind enough to rush to the aide of my critical faux pas and prove itself quite worthy of all the bile and hatred that I threw at it.
Dude. If you're stupid enough to look at lingerie models on any date with your girlfriend, let alone the first one, and it's the first thing you do when just looking at magazines at a kiosk, some would say you barely qualify for oxygen, let alone the company of a woman. I can't believe I'm not making this up. I mean gracious, asking her to have sex on the first date would be more noble than this. You're at least implying you'd like to do it with her. Though once again, I do love Kotonoha's ambiguous facial expressions. This one is that of a woman quietly scolding herself for forgetting her can of Extra Burn Mega Mace.
So needless to say:
Fool Meter: 5
And if I could find some justifiable reason to put another ten points on, you know I would.
Man, here's something that's always bugged me about anime finally being addressed. You know how if a guy goes on a date with a chick, he always plays videogames in front of her to, I dunno, prove how awesome and nerdy he is? Don't do that. I mean, I'm not saying it's not fun to watch other people play videogames, quite the contrary. But to not even invite your girlfriend to play? Not a single one-on-one match? I mean, I know not everyone can pick up a controller and string combos in Street Fighter right off the bat, but come on man, you don't have to be a humanitarian to see this.
Fool Meter: 6
And then he even goes to ask her for more quarters.
Fool Meter: 7
Man, I made that whole comment about betting that we'd manage to get this count all the way to 100 entirely in jest. Gosh, this is worse than I thought. If this is just how far we've gotten on the second episode...goodness, I suddenly feel very invested in this.
This is the only one I don't get. I mean, you're chances of a second date with me would be gone if you looked at porno on our first date, and your chances of walking away with all of your toes unbroken would be long gone if you were playing videogames without me and then asked me to pay for it. But if you could some how get me to stay for about three more seconds, carrying a huge tray of sweets for me would probably be the only prayer you have for any of the above. "Holy Jesus Christ, I don't know what truly godlike blond moment I had to ever be attracted to you, but if you think I'm going to stay around f-U R HAS CAEK FOR S-TYPE?"
I feel like I shouldn't put a point on the fool meter for this, since I really don't get what's running through Kotonoha's head, but as I said, I'm now dead set on breaking 100, so I'll do it for giggles. Plus, you know, I'm still angry about the lingerie mag thing.
Fool Meter: 8
And then on the way home, Kotonoha gets attacked by what appears to be a...blue-collar office zombie. Zombies off duty walking around Tokyo bring back memories of Megatokyo. Like I need anything else to make my viewing experience more painful.
So Makoto comes to try to protect her, and she r-oooooh my goodness. Just look at this picture. Makoto is screaming like a little girl. And he's even got his wee little fists in the air with his shoulders up like a frightened kitten. Oh ho ho ho man. Kotonoha looks cool and collected in comparison. I mean, this guy lives in Japan and acts like he's never seen a zombie before. So Kotonoha takes charge and apologizes for causing any trouble, and thus averts the crisis. Picking and losing a fight with a drunk on your first date. That makes you a jerk and a wuss. Two great things that make a great boyfriend.
Fool Meter: 9
So ends easily the worst date in history. Your new boyfriend has shown that he can't keep it in his pants for a half hour, he plays videogames and makes you pay for it (and PS3 games can go for like, fifty bucks these days man, that's not cheap), and even if he brings you trays of delicious sweets, he's too chicken pansy to fight of a sloshed zombie. I mean, sure, people have bad days and deserve second chances and all that, but there's bad days, and then there's failing as a sentient life form. But just in case we need the period at the end of "Don't hit the door on your way out." handed to us on a silver platter, Makoto ends the date on this note:
"MWA MWA MWA MWA"
Fool Meter: 10
Makoto, do you hear that smashing sound? That's your chance at this chick ever giving you the time of day for the rest of your life being pile-driven into the pavement. And yes School Days, that includes the time if night too, so you can get your ideas out of that gutter.
Ah, yeah. And did I mention that he manages to pull all this off before the opening credits roll?
Sekai, of course, can't stand the sight of her crush not being able to tell the difference between handling a girl and handling a vending machine. Not to mention she's still struggling with the guilt she feels over sucking face with Makoto. So after insisting that it was just a "hello kiss" (another common anime excuse-why doesn't anyone call someone out on this? I mean, this is Japan. Hiccuping in public calls for an ten-minute long apology, let alone kissing an acquaintance out the blue), she decides to help Makoto. She does this by giving him two tickets to the movies and all but grope him in the school hallway as she begins to narrate how awesome it would be to make out in a movie theatre. Completely inoffensive and platonic.
Fool Meter: 11
And yeah, thanks camera, I was really hoping I'd get to see Sekai's butt shoved into my face. Really. Thanks.
AAAAAAAAAAH SETSUNA IS EVIL SETSUNA IS EVIL SETSUNA IS EVIL
So as Sekai heads back to class, she's confronted by Setsuna. Being an emissary of the Dark Lord, has enough brain tissue to realize that Sekai clearly still has a thing for Makoto. Setsuna tells her that she was sure those tickets were bought so that Sekai could go out to watch a movie with Makoto, and wonders why she gave them away. Still spiraling in a state of self-denial, Sekai pretty much laughs her off. So Setsuna wanders off to tempt more pure souls.
Makoto decides to take a massive dip into his feminine side the night before the movie by reading more of his girly-pink dating advice book he can find. After booking up on movie dates, he then proceeds to fangirl over the thought of maybe getting to kiss Kotonoha, and needing to get his hair and nails done for the big occassion. And if you asked me, I think that girly love manual worked a little too well. I mean look at that face. You know you're in a bad place when
Shuichi Shindo looks more butch than you. I hope you're paying attention to this Taisuke, because you may have a chance after all.
Makoto continues his romp through womanhood on his next date with Kotonoha. The fact that Kotonoha even sees the slightest chance left for a future with this foolbag makes me seriously question her mental health. But even Kotonoha's saint-like patience is starting to wear thin. While Makoto is totally engrossed in the super-girly romance movie that they're watching, she just sighs at the fact that she could have been watching Toy Story 3 instead.
Oh wait, but this movie does have a point! Well, a pointish. It turns out it's a clumsy metaphor used to compare Makoto, Sekai, and Kotonoha to the players in a crazy, cliched love triangle, and provides very vague foreshadowing of all the hell that is about to ensue. A crappy chick flick used in comparison to this show? How surprisingly apt. And I'm amazed that I actually have something to snark about dealing with the show within the show, but if you sleep in the same bed as your romantic rival, I can think of at least three solutions to the entire problem*.
Because the entertainment industry is intensely formulaic and catered to serve the lowest common denominator, the movie has a sex scene. True to his style, Makoto decides to answer the cry of his sudden boner, and decides that now, right at this moment, is the best time to kiss Kotonoha. Please. I'm sure this is common sense. You just. Don't kiss the girl you like on the second date during a sex scene. Just please. I mean, this is the person who you read girly mags in front of on your first date. It's just. No. Come on.
I sincerely enjoy Kotonoha's facial expressions more than I should, but I still love this one. She either taking careful mental notes or disappointed that the scene isn't hot enough for her.
Oh dear lord above, it looks like the love child of Muddy Mudskipper and Porky Pig.
Fool Meter: 12
So in what's probably going to be the last moment of genuine intelligence in this entire show, Kotonoha smacks one up. But here's the thing: we never actually get to see the slap happen. Instead we get this digression shot on the "No Smoking" sign with a slap sound in the background, then we cut to this shot of the aftermath. What, you're the biggest fanservice show in the world, you assume I want Sekai's butt shoved in my face for no reason, yet you fail to believe I want to see Makoto get a few teeth knocked out of him by a Japanese schoolgirl? That's exceptionally presumptuous School Days.
And what's unbelievable is despite recieving what he needs ten times over, Makoto is still stupid. He thinks that the best way to apologize to Kotonoha is to ramble on and on that the whole idea was actually Sekai's. When Kotonoha inquires further, clearly a little wary about what connection her friend could have to this chump (even more so now, upon realizing no rational human being can stand him), Makoto doesn't get the hint, and just babbles on about Sekai and how she gave him the tickets and the advice to suck her face in a movie theater. Wow.
Fool Meter: 13
While I admit screaming at Makoto for being an idiot in front of all his friends and teachers right out of nowhere in the middle of class is probably what the little urchin deserves...bad form Sekai. So the two sit behind the desk and pass notes, as Sekai tries to figure out what the heaven Makoto did. When she figures out he was reading a girly dating book, she opens a fresh can on him, telling him to throw away his book and actually, you know, act like a good boyfriend. Hell, act like an intelligent human being! Of course, Taisuke is still so blinded by love, he just oggles his Makoto and squees like a giggling fangirl at how happy the two are. Yeah, that's another thing. Get used to everyone acting like a complete idiot. It's only going to get worse.
"Why hello there! I'm Makoto's childhood friend from Middle School, not High School as this awful subbing says. I most certainly will not be making this mess of a romance any more pointlessly difficult and uninviting in the future."
So Makoto makes one last, desperate attempt to bail himself back into Kotonoha's favor, but very reasonably, he's pretty much ruined her view of anything good in this relationship. However, insted of doing what any self-respecting girl would do and take the trash to the curb, she just avoids him. When Makoto does confront her, the fact that the two of them can't talk to each other for the life of each other once again rears its ugly head. I think the anime is trying to imply that it's really the lack of communication that is getting in the way of their feelings, and that's definitely a huge contributing factor, but it still dramatically looks over the fact that Makoto is an appalling excuse for a potential romantic partner. Why would you even want to communicate with someone who reads porn on your first date, nabs your quarters, gets into fights with drunks, and tries to snag a kiss with you during a sex scene of a stupid, girly movie? I say just keep with the whole philosophy of "talk to the hand, scum bum". And make sure it's full contact. And let us get to see it this time.
Sekai overhears the whole problem though, and still feeling a little guilt riddled, she tries to set them up again by talking to Kotonoha. She is trying to be nice and help them be able to talk things out, but the whole scene plays out rather creepily. I mean, it's sunset, there's nobody for miles, and she confronts one loan, weary girl about and darkly asks why she's going in the opposite direction of the train, and if she's trying to avoid someone? That weirds me a little. I don't know why.
So not content with just having a relationship on the rocks, Makoto decides to give mixed signals to poor Taisuke. And Taisuke, of course, just eats it up. I mean look at that face. Look at that "O-of course I want your girly girl instruction book of love, Makoto-sempai!"expression. Please. Please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this. But then again, we've already established the potency of that girly book, so it's probably just warping Taisuke's tiny mind. Maybe it's just the dating advice version of
House of Leaves.
So Kotonoha tells Sekai that a lot of her unease and worry about her relationship with Makoto comes from the fact that she was constantly bullied and harassed because of her beauty and her huge chest. She incited a lot of anger from guys and girls alike, so she's really nervous about being around other people, especially guys who only want her for her for her bewbies. Sekai does what any rational minded girl would do: encourage her to stay with Makoto anyway and give him another chance. Even though she gave him two and he still royally screwed up. Because all boys are sick perverts no matter what you do, and you're a girl, so you should just get a boyfriend and roll with it, amirite?
Fool Meter: 14
And gives her an encouraging boob squeeze while she's already worried about being harassed about her breasts.
Fool Meter: 15
I seriously don't get what it is with heterosexual women in anime need to get their hands all over chicks for fun and games. I mean, this trope never shows up in America, the culture where it's totally okay for one of my best friends and her best gal pal to claim they're two men who got gay married in Canada.
Thank goodness we get to end this episode on as dull a surprise as the last one. Kotonoha decides that she wants to give the little jerk
another chance, so she just meets him up on the train platform and kisses him, again, something she was really uncomfortable with before.
Fool Meter: 16
Gracious, look at Kotonoha. She looks like she's about to cry. Not that I can really blame her.
---ooo---
And that's part two of the pinnacle of it's genre, School Days. Stay tuned for the next episode, the "last episode genuinely resembling an endearing story before everything divebombs to crazytown". In it, we ask thus: would you like some loli with your fanservice?
----------------------------------------------
School Days and all associated media is developed and copyrighted by 0verflow, with the anime produced and copyrighted by TNK. All rights reserved. And they can damn well keep it.
----------------------------------------------
*1) Threesome
2) Gay Married
3) FREE ICE CREAM
Thank goodness we get to end this episode on as dull a surprise as the last one. Kotonoha decides that she wants to give the little jerk another chance, so she just meets him up on the train platform and kisses him, again, something she was really uncomfortable with before.
No comments:
Post a Comment