Alright you dang kids, it's the weekend, my philosophy class is officially over, and you got to have your little fun with that Shining Force Let's Play. So you know what that means: it's back to work. School Freakin' Days. Again, as I mentioned last time, this is the last episode on the queue that resembles anything close to a passable romance, comedy, or something that won't start degrading your intelligence like a parasitic brain worm. Some would find writing this review a little like taking a stroll to the electric chair, but I am a better critic than that. I plan to review this episode and all the episodes forthwith with the same grace, dignity, and fair, even-minded criticism that I have before. Or at the very least, not wake up in my bed with a splitting headache, a container of my dog's pain medication in one hand, a pair of stretched-out underwear in the other, and my laptop sitting face down on the other side of my bedroom with half of the week's review done.
Makoto pretty much tells Sekai "back of bitch, she's mine", and Sekai promptly begins to beat him like a tambourine. I am never not in the mood to watch Makoto get his ass handed to him, but here's a little game to play. Imagine if Sekai was a boy and Makoto was a girl. This shot would look pretty damn creepy. Imagine if Sekai was a boy, and Makoto was still a boy. This shot would be massively homoerotic. But she's a girl and he's a guy, so it's damn hilarious.
Again, instead of just asking him like a normal human being, Kotonoha continues her passive-aggressive campaign to punish her dimwitted boyfriend, and in the ultimate diss, takes the only public transportation route more demeaning than the subway-the bus. And again, wasting time and effort into just talking to her boyfriend and sorting out this generally harmless issue.
So we're back to the world's skankiest Denny's, as the evil child Setsuna comes to visit Sekai. You know, for all my jabbing, I can respect Setsuna as the only character that acts like someone who actually cares about another person in this show. I mean, she's the only one who seems to inquire about Sekai's relationship with Makoto because she actually senses some sort of genuine tension and worry from her friend, not because YOU TWO WOULD MAKE A GREAT COUPLE. So much so that for all her creepy, Setsuna was, in my opinion, the most genuinely likable character on the show. She will ruin that a few episodes down the line of course, but, let me enjoy this while I can.
Oh!
Oh jeez, this right off the bat. Class, meet Kokoro Katsura, Kotonoha's little sister, and a character who manages to stand out as a creepy fetish singularity despite everything we have seen or will see. She's only three feet tall, she has a really high-pitched voice, and she seems overly energetic and cheerful in that innocent and perpetual sugar high kind of way. Plus she wears a lot of frilly pink outfits, has little pigtails with those silly giant bead ties, and goes to elementary school. So naturally, I peg her as about five or six. But when doing background research on the show, I learn that she's actually thirteen years old. That tiny little squeaking child who dresses in ways that would embarrass a seven year old is supposed to be a teenager.
What's more is that she's aggressively involved in her sister and Makoto's relationship, and in particular seems to be obsessed with Makoto being her sister's boyfriend in that really creepy (un?)intentionally subtextual way that Taisuke is. Now girls get stupid crushes on older guys all the time, and in my humble opinion, it's usually a lot more innocent and cute than creepy. But in the original game that School Days was based on...yeah. That. Also, have I mentioned that while state prefectures vary, the national age of consent in Japan is thirteen?
Huh. I don't remember this bottle of ibuprofen by my side before.
So by now we're almost relieved to get back to some wholesome bouncing breasts. Makoto was calling Katsura to tell her...something I guess, but here's a surprise, it's just an excuse for the creepy Lolita sister to pick up the phone and gush over Makoto and for Katsura to rush out right after taking a bath to pry the phone from her hands. During the phone conversation, we get not-so-vague foreshadowing of the conflict which is going to occur (spoiler alert: it hinges on yet another easily solved communication issue), but good luck discerning it right off the bad by what the messages the camera is sending. While we're trying to discern what's going on in the episode, it's zooming and catching as many suggestive angles of Kotonoha as it can while she tries to ward off her younger sister, including a several-second long clip showing nothing but her jiggling while she tries to close her bedroom door with her butt.
Fool Meter: 17
I don't remember this empty container of Haagen Daz either. This is starting to give me the willies.
YES THANK GOD. I mean, dear dear, a return of the mysterious green goo. And so deliberate too! Let's hope they haven't built up some sort of immunity. I'm totally cool with Kotonoha saving me nine episodes of hurt.
Any minute now. Any minute S-Type, just be patient.
So, again, another surprise. Kokoro wants to meet Makoto, and Makoto is instantly giddy at the thought of getting to go to Kotonoha's house. You must realize that this is a high school anime, so "going over to your house" is synonymous to "us doing the nasty on your kitchen table with the aid of inappropriate kitchen accessories". A subtle cue that everyone else seems to pick up on but Makoto (or the equally likely scenario that he knows, and is just that stupidly excited), so naturally both girls are a little off put by his enthusiasm. Sekai tells Kotonoha that she needs to put Makoto in his place more often, and we get a look at one of the less stellar animation cells of the show. Look at that picture of Sekai-her eyes are so far apart she looks like a pigeon, but they put a dang ton of money into making sure that she had a well-animated cow lick.
Makoto pretty much tells Sekai "back of bitch, she's mine", and Sekai promptly begins to beat him like a tambourine. I am never not in the mood to watch Makoto get his ass handed to him, but here's a little game to play. Imagine if Sekai was a boy and Makoto was a girl. This shot would look pretty damn creepy. Imagine if Sekai was a boy, and Makoto was still a boy. This shot would be massively homoerotic. But she's a girl and he's a guy, so it's damn hilarious.And they're sure to start pass out from blood poisoning from those sandwiches any minute now. I can wait School Days. I can wait.
Heeeeey, remember that generic childhood friend from the last episode? Of course you don't! And rightfully so, because she has the honor of playing unnecessary love interest number three in this whole mess. And she does what unnecessary love interest number three does best-has a small clique of bratty teenage girls and spends her sweet time harassing the other love interests. And you know, providing a new host of gam shots. But anyway, this is Otome, and she isn't worth your time for a few more episodes. She's just here to establish that Kotonoha is on the student council and that she's a massive bitch. The second point I'd buy in an instant-name one anime where a girl who didn't have three other girls perpetually looming in the background wasn't trouble. But Kotonoha in a position of authority? Really? And this is a Japanese Student Council too. Most US councils do nothing but sit on their asses all day and run booths at football games. In Japan, you can probably start a small-scale nuclear war if you were class president. I just have a hard time buying that Kotonoha can handle that kind of power.
Just take your sweet time in making them all drop dead School Days. Like, now.
This is one of those rare moments when Makoto at least tires to act like a good boyfriend and I feel the slightest ting of regret for reviling him as much as I do. Though I assure you, it's very transient. But anyway, Makoto's nerve net is in full gear today, and he notices that Kotonoha is really upset about something, and insists that if she ever needs to get it off her ample and bouncy chest, he'll hear her out. And since they are dating and it's good to have solid communication, Kotonoha should take this as her cue to try to open up to Makoto about the rather small and innoffensive thing that's bothering her. So she stays dead silent about it.
Fool Meter: 18
Gosh, it's been a slow day for the Fool Meter. I'm still trying to crack a hundred man! If I can get to at least 20 today, I'm still on schedule.
So Makoto hugs Kotonoha on the train while calling her "Katsura", and we have big damn obvious hint number two of the whole reason why Kotonoha's been in such a rut. This is a bit of a cultural difference, so let me explain. Japan has pretty strict social rules in regards to etiquette and terms or respect. One of them is that it's a big honking deal to call someone by their first name. Most people just address acquaintances or even casual friends by their last names, and you really have to be on good terms with someone to be allowed to call them by their first. Turning that around though, if you are good friends with someone and they still call you by your last name, it's just as bad, if not worse, if your best friend just referred to you by your surname all the time. This can be a little confusing to an American audience, but to a Japanese person, it's first grade. So yeah. It's Makoto, we've seen it before, ec cetera.
Fool Meter: 19
But one of Sekai's school friends catches them hugging uglies on the train, so it's off to later that night, with Sekai at her-holy crap that is Sekai's work uniform. That thing is sexual harassment in and of itself. I really hope this isn't some obscure cultural thing that's flying over my head, because I'm assuming it's universal that when you need to wear a special kind of underwear for your minimum wage high school job, something is very, very wrong.
So the friend calls Sekai, Sekai thinks Makoto is being a creepy subway pervert, so she calls him up and lets him have it. And of course, she calls him while she is getting changed out of her skanksuit, so long story short, this is the only work safe shot I could screencap. And who calls someone when they're getting changed? I mean, it's not an easy task to get a bra on with only one hand. I don't think I've ever done it before. Okay, maybe like once, but it was a sports bra, so it's practically a shirt anyway.
Anyway, she says to Makoto that he can't just drop his pants and hug a girl wherever he damn wants. Makoto counters with "BUT SEXKAI I HAS GIRLFRIEND I CAN MAKE OUT YES". Of course, she brings up that in order to have a good relationship, what you should do is listen to each others feelings and problems, learn about one another, discover what you have in common and flourish off each other's differences, and come to realize and love that you are having a deep and emotional relationship with a complex, wonderful, and interesting human being, not shoving whatever you want in the easiest available orifice. Makoto says "that sounds exhausting", which is Japanese horny boy for "screw that when do I get the boobies".
Fool Meter: 20
I can't find a single defining moment that I can say truly shows how horrendously foolish these two are, but I'm sure it adds up to at least a point in the end. And if it doesn't, it deserves to. Nip it in the bud, I say.
Again, instead of just asking him like a normal human being, Kotonoha continues her passive-aggressive campaign to punish her dimwitted boyfriend, and in the ultimate diss, takes the only public transportation route more demeaning than the subway-the bus. And again, wasting time and effort into just talking to her boyfriend and sorting out this generally harmless issue.Fool Meter: 21
Now I know that when you're first starting to date someone and your shy, you can feel like your overstepping your boundaries just by asking someone to pass the salt. But she's taking the bus. You don't take the bus unless you think your boyfriend is an alien and is going to murder and lay its eggs inside your face. Makoto has the common sense of a cobalt plate, but even he's picked up on the implications. And a little too hard at that. Looking at that face he's making, I feel like I could say that Kotonoha is flashing him as he rides by and it would still be completely believable.
It's a horrible fact in and of itself, but Sekai may have the closest semblance to common sense among the main cast. So when she hears from Makoto that his girlfriend took the bus rather than ride the same train as him, she tells him to get his ass to her classroom and figure out what the hell is going on to make her so angry. But of course, the bell rings, class starts, and the two start passing notes. Wash, rinse, repeat. Taisuke is dissapointed that receiving Makoto's girly instruction manual did not get their relationship off the ground, so he just continues to make vague, ship-teasing comments with a pouty look on his face. Or maybe he's just generally getting sick of the antics of the love triangle-I certainly can't put it past the guy. In fact, Sekai sick of it herself, so she blows Makoto off to eat lunch with the rest of the girls in the class.
Oh yeah. Great. The girl talk. I've already mentioned in my Angel Food and Devil Dogs Review how much I haaaaaaaaate that a lot of people have no idea how to write conversations between women. Bechdel Test aside, it seems that a lot of writers out there can't seem to wrap their heads around that, you know, girls are people too, so we talk about things like the meaning of life and poop jokes and stuff like that just as much as guys do. Especially teenage girls. Argh. Writers seem to think that every teenage girl ever no matter what always talk about
1) Who's dating/sexing who
2) Looking pretty
3) OMG she's a total bitch
Okay, test grades and men are pigs occasionally comes up too but seriously. That's it. And School Days is no exception, my fine friends. I'm saddened that I'm not amazed that all of Sekai's classmates, despite seeing her rambling about pushing Makoto's to be a good boyfriend to Kotonoha, still think the two are dating. Despite how many times she's adamantly told them that she's not, and has no intention. And of course, they push her to reconsider and try to find as much subtext for it as they can and squee about it, because relationships and sex is the only thing that anyone in this school cares about ever. In fact, they care about it so much, that there's actually a Student Council Mandated part of the school festival where the council members announce people as couples for all the world to see for max blatant highschool dramarama. Which totally does not remind me of another deep-fried-Snickers-bar like anime that has an unfortunate grip on my sanity.
So while Sekai is being harassed, Makoto and Kotonoha meet on the roof to have still more stale and strained anime conversation. Kotonoha brings up that her creepy little sister wants to meet Makoto, so she suggests that he comes over on the weekend. Makoto accepts and...dear lord, this episode is really boring. God has, like, anything happened at all? I don't think we've had any advance in character or plot or anything. It feels like I've just been watching pointless bickering, fanserivce, will-they-or-won't-they and an easily solved conflict just dragged out. You can portray a strained situation in a way that doesn't take the entire damn episode and bore us to tears along the way. When I say that I wish these two would do something, and not care about the horrible innuendo this show could take because I'm that bored, your storyline has a serious problem.
So we're back to the world's skankiest Denny's, as the evil child Setsuna comes to visit Sekai. You know, for all my jabbing, I can respect Setsuna as the only character that acts like someone who actually cares about another person in this show. I mean, she's the only one who seems to inquire about Sekai's relationship with Makoto because she actually senses some sort of genuine tension and worry from her friend, not because YOU TWO WOULD MAKE A GREAT COUPLE. So much so that for all her creepy, Setsuna was, in my opinion, the most genuinely likable character on the show. She will ruin that a few episodes down the line of course, but, let me enjoy this while I can.So yeah, she asks if Sekai's dating Makoto too, blah blah blah, let's move on to
SWEET JESUS THERE IS NO WAY THAT THING IS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD DO NOT TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS.
So yeah, Makoto comes over to Kotonoha's house to hang out with her and her inappropriately designed little sister for some good, wholesome family fun. I basically consider this a modified repeat of the date episode, and as such, it manages to rack up points on the fool meter lickety split. What's worse is that while nothing happens, something about the way its presented just kind of disturbs me. Let's take a closer look.
A nice looking innocent game of cards, yes, but may I point out that just by how eager Makoto was to come to Kotonoha's house and see her little sister, I would not consider it a good idea at all to sit on his lap. Let alone that Makoto is teaching a small child how to play seven-card stud.
Fool Meter: 22
There's something already really disturbing about pocky to me. It's delicious, but that doesn't stop it from being an oddly frightening food. Maybe it's been ever since I saw that one comic about someone sticking a whole stick up their belly button. And sharing food is usually kind of cute between couples, but this is just...the fact that Kokoro is goading them on from below is enough to be more than a little brain breaking, but the nervous looks on both their faces make it worse.
Fool Meter: 23
Heh. Pock locked.
But in all seriousness, I did not need to see Makoto sitting on his knees bending forward with a piece of pocky dangling out of his mouth. Guaaaaargh. And a dissapointed Kokoro right in the middle of it just makes everything worse. Come to think of it, Kokoro just being here period is making everything worse. Guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
And with a gleeful look on her youthful face, Kokoro takes the opportunity to ride Makoto.
Fool Meter: 24
...I've mentioned she's supposed to be thirteen, right?
Fool Meter: 25
So after that agony, the stupid problem that's been hanging over everyone's head is finally resolved when Kokoro asks out of the blue why Makoto calls Kotonoha by her last name. Yes. The child whose brain is seven years less developed than her body managed to figure problem right of the bat, while the adults BSed around for twenty minutes. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Though I do like the other screen. Kotonoha looks utterly devastated, like Makoto found out her secret affinity for Twighlight yaoi.
Again, we have a very rare moment where the two actually talk, and Kotonoha finally manages to come out and say that since they've been going out for a week, it would be cool to actually be called by her first name. After apologizing and seeing that it really was important to her, Makoto promptly does so. And she to gets to finally be able to call him by his first name as well. Huh, you know, it's strange, but just seeing this all get peacefully resolved is kind of...I-I mean, after sitting through all that, we better get some sort of satisfying resolution. So good for you for not being totally inept, School Days. You did a very, very surprisingly good job. BUT THAT'S IT. NOTHING ELSE.
And now it's time for the two to say good-bye for the day. So before she leaves to take her train home, Kotonoha asks Makoto to close his eyes, and when he does, she gives him a kiss on the cheek. Unlike the last time she kissed him though, she looks really peaceful, and certainly not like she's about to cry. Heh...you know...this whole scene is actually...k-kinda...
What
wait
no
nonuhno way there is just
I can't
find something
cute
in School Days that is just not right I mean it is School Days the show people on YouTube like this show is the embodiment of suck and I don't no I can't it's got to be a mistake I've been really tired from work lately and no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO it's okay calm down calm down calm down THIS WILL RUIN ME THIS WILL RUIN MY CAREER EVERYTHING I'VE BUILT MYSELF UP TO BE NO NO ONE MUST KNOW ARE YOU READING THIS STOP IT RIGHT NOW I WILL FIND YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN YOU HEAR ME I
Oh!
Yes! That's right! Of course. School Days is horrible. Oh, sweet Jesus, I was worried for a second there. I thought I was going to do something...unprofessional.
Anyway, so just as we get to a point where this show had the potential to finally start being a good romance, Makoto realize there's not enough non-consequential sex for his test, and thus the story begins to adopt its famous reputation as being a bullet train to hell. Beware friends, because if you thought this show was absent of communication, human decency, and basic intelligence up to this point, boy are you in for a nasty surprise at what's coming up next. It's teen irresponsibility at its finest next time on Fanbetch Reviews. But now, a word from our sponsors.
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School Days and all associated media is developed and copyrighted by 0verflow, with the anime produced and copyrighted by TNK. All rights reserved. And they can damn well keep it.
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