Words To Live By

GOOOOOOOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIT Hello there everyone! Welcome to the eighth installment of the School Days edition of Fanbetch Reviews!

I'm sure you're used to hearing this by now, but this post will be followed by another break. Why? Because I'm proud to announce that I'm going to be moving into my brand new apartment mid-August, with my lovely and beautiful girlfriend. I can not express how psyched I am, and only a fraction of that is because of premature exhaustion and mild house-moving senioritis. But my poor girlfriend got the worse deal in that she needs to drive all the way across the country to get here. So as a gift for her, and for you, may I give a good-bye for now with a smile, a wave, and a grimace. May my cold bitterness towards School Days help you beat the heat in the dog days of summer.

Eh, but enough of this nonsense. Let's AAAAAAAAAAAARGHFUUUUUUUUUUUUGH get on with the show!

Holy God Jesus, look at Setsuna's proportions. Her torso is a head and a half long with no crotch to speak of. I mean, I understand that sometimes you need to fake up proportions a little bit, especially for stylized uniforms and especially when you're on an animation budget, but look at that! It's like her legs got grafted to part of her lower intestines! Freaky as hell, man!

Things start off from where we left off last episode (sort of). After the complete moronity of the last episode, Sekai is driven back to her original tsundere personality, and tries to put her life back together. She calls up Setsuna and explains everything, as she begins it shaky steps back into conventional reality. Setsuna, being the good friend that she is, vows to help her get to the bottom of who Makoto is really going after. Right after she jams a handful 200 proof alcohol into a fresh wound by reminding her that she and Makoto have been bumping uglies loudly and publicly for the last few weeks, of course. Which is the kind of tough love I can really get behind.

Now to answer the question of "why does this even matter", I regret to inform you that this is kind of sort of the start of Setsuna's day in the limelight/back story arc, I.E. the moment when they destroy the last character who acted somewhat like a normal human being. Conventionally, it's a pretty weird stylistic choice, since Setsuna's place in the story seems largely supporting, and not demanding any plot-centric study of character. But as mentioned, this was originally adapted from a dating sim game, which means that the player essentially chooses a "route" to view what would happen (i.e. what kind of sex they would have) if their character decided to date the girl of their choice.

As you might expect, it's really hard to adapt this type of scenario into a linear animation. Not to say it can't be done, since the games themselves are basically the creepy-uncle version of a classic character study. And with the story writing and budgeting team, some really great shows have been made this way. If your ever on the market for a dating sim adaption done right, I highly recommend the anime Clannad, and it's sequel, Clanad ~After Story~.

The clinch, of course, is that if you do plan to do a dramatic character study, the study material actually has to be good. Will Setsuna's exposition fall into this catagory? We'll soon fine o-HA WHO AM I FREAKING KIDDING. Let's get back to these unlikable helixes of DNA sludge.

Just the fish-faced fatass I wanted to see. Taisuke's back, and as usual, completely obsessed with Makoto's love life through a homoerotic infatuation lens. Though I have to hand it to him, this is the first of many examples of practice communication to be seen in this episode, even though the plot is so constipated and the participants are so far sunk into jibbering idiocy, telling the truth only does so much now.

So basically, Taisuke asks Makoto whether or not he and Kotonoha are really still dating, and Makoto replies in something resembling an old Japanese folk saying that's probably made up and certainly endorses stalking, much like everything else we've seen thus far. It's complete bullcrap of course, so naturally, Taisuke pees his pants in the sheer fanboy glee at knowing his beloved brofriend has had a girlfriend, or extra-marital sex, or whatever Taisuke's monkey culture represents the coming-of-age story in.

Now I know I haven't such show myself to be particularly forgiving to the secondary cast thus far, but Taisuke still manages to be the only one who drives me to active resentment. I don't even really want him dead at this point. I just want him ret-conned right out of this universe. Or have the animation budget be put so tight that they need to burn his character models for warmth and he's just shooed unceremoniously out. I just really want him gone. The longer he stays, the more tempted the story will be to let him be a significant character.

Back with the actual plot, we find Sekai reeling under just how much wherevertown has turned inside out while her personality has been in comatose for the past two episodes or so. And there's something really werid about her pajamas to me. The legs are tight enough to be a pair of leggings, making it ill-matched to her shirt, and while my mind can resister a neckling being that low, my mind cant register how a really tight cleavage shot manages to shoot through it, especially if she's lying on her back. Oh yeah, and her head's as wide as her hips. That's kind of weird.

So now we actually flash back to what happened between the end of the last episode and the start of this one. Already a huge disappointment in that we don't actually get to see the slap Kotonoha lays on Sekai. I'm not a proponent of violence, but I am a English Major. And as all English Majors know, the meat of any good dramatic series is the catharsis that the audience feels in the characters actions. And a rich slap would be that dramatic release that anyone needs when they're immersed in the aesthetic of jackassery the tale is working hard to present. So what the hell, fanservice show?

"He had to get an orifice somewhere, and none of the drainage pipes at school quite fit."

Now in this School Day's defense, we finally get a rare moment of the elusive "drama" it's attempting to chase down at every corner. Kotonoha gives Sekai a short but powerful litany about how she thought her best friend would never do anything like as having an affair with her boyfriend, heavily implying that she really was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, and more or less FINALLY getting out what the audience has been dying for her to say. Meanwhile, the writers were kind enough to give Sekai her actual personality back, so she actually has to face what she's done point blank. No sparkling anime woobie tears here--she's taking this punch straight into the kisser.

But the glaringly obvious thing missing is Makoto getting any sort of repercussion, and indeed, after a genuine scene of anger and bitterness between characters like this, the fact that either of these fools want anything to do with him from this point forward makes an otherwise powerful scene ring a little false. And while it's not dirrectly said, there is just a whole disgusting "wow women are total bitches to each other" undertone to it. Don't worry boys, they aren't angry at you. They're angry at each other for associating with you! They'll still war for your affections, and just sexily cat fight with each other in the meantime. What a relief, huh? NOW WHO WANT'S SOME ASS.

Setsuna's promise to "confirm Makoto's true feelings" apparently translates to "manipulate, misinform, and alienate he and his actual girlfriend and throw even more mixed messages into the brew". After yet another committee meeting, when Kotonoha asks if Makoto wants to walk home with her (thinking her encounter has resolved all relationship issues between them the fool), Setsuna says that he can't, because supposedly they need to work on a checklist for two hours. What, do they need to hand-translate it into Linux?

Fool Meter: 92

The Fool Meter's a little slow on the draw this episode. Don't worry, it'll make up for it.

And Kotonoha, completely and utterly oblivious to her previous breakthrough of characterization, quickly buckles over and lets him go. Again. You think she'd learn to feel more confident in her relationship, or be wary of her boyfriend, or offer to help or be with him, but no, once again, she suspects nothing, and goes back to being a complete doormat. Clearly they're working through the "mediocre drama further obscured by a metaphorical pair of breasts shoved into the face" route of the original game this was based on.

Fool Meter: 93

I'll give Makoto credit for actually sticking up for his girlfriends feelings, especially since the entire school comes closer and closer to Kotonoha's personal mile long spanking line as time goes by. And it's equally satisfying to see Setsuna tell him to cut the crap and just pick a girl already. But I can't help but feel like it's more of a clumsy segue the writers needed when they suddenly realized they'd gotten far away from the whole central 'conflict' of this show being a loser dude needing to choose between the playfully coy skank and the rich housewife in the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Didn't want us to get all confused with these clever subplots, eh show?

As expected, it's nice to FINALLY see Makoto get burned a little for everything he's done. When Setsuna asks him which of the girls he really loved, he said that he originally did like Kotonoha for her personality and intelligence and all that jazz, but he then started falling for Sekai because "he felt more at ease with her". To which Setsuna retorts "just be a man and say she put out quicker, jackass." Sure she says it at a weird angle, but hey, I'll take it!

And DESPITE all of this meaningful character interaction, DESPITE the fact that we have a scene that's trying to cut to the point to spare just another quarter of the show dicking around, and DESPITE her previous insistence that she plans to hold Makoto by the throat until he picked a girl and got on with his life, Makoto just babbles on like a school girl and makes no commitments, and Setsuna says she'll take care of the checklist, so Makoto can go out and get action wherever he pleases. So we have yet another scene that accomplishes nothing. And the ephemeral tits descend from on high again to keep the plot right smack dab where it is.

Though I kind of like how Sekai reacts to seeing Makoto again. That face makes me feel like she's saying, "Huh? You again? What, you like. Still think we're doing this or something? Ah ha ha, get the hell off my porch, I'm on the rag today."

I'm starting to think that everyone's reverting to their original personalities. Not only do we get to see brief glimpses of humanity under Makoto's apathetic shell of perversion and loathing of his fellow man, but I'm starting to wonder if he's getting back to his feminine phase a little. When he starts staring at Sekai's work uniform, that expression makes me wonder if he wants to bone it or just put in on.

So after our little anime routine of Makoto commenting about how sexually appealing Sekai looks in her baggy period pajamas and Sekai verbally harassing Makoto, we sit down and get to business. And while Sekai starts crying about watching a friend tear her a knew one for something she already felt bad about, the same friend who she worked hard to build a sense of trust and friendship between before all this, Makoto goes and blames her for going outside and exposing the truth anyway. Being such a likable and relatable protagonist and all.

Fool Meter: 94

Noooooooooo really

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO REALLY WHAAAAAAAAT

So while Sekai flails about and desperately tries to come to term with her guilt, Makoto justifies that what they did can't be entirely wrong, because they both want it, except the happily involved girlfriend, of course, but EEEEEEH. Man, you and Ayn Rand would be swell friends, Makoto. When Sekai calls bull crap on this, Makoto does what he does best, which is just shove a kiss down her throat to shut her up.

Man. You can just see why Sekai and Kotonoha can't quit this stud muffin.

Fool Meter: 95

But try as he might, Makoto can't hide that, in essence, he is but a tiny man with about as much understanding of human sexuality as a sentient underwear drawer. So he ends up knocking over the table, and Sekai shoves him off to take care of it. And while he bends over and gives a dramatic, angsty sigh about needing to jerk off tonight instead of banging his girlfriend in old man pajamas, I glee that someone is finally wising up and giving Makoto less credit than an ugly stain on Teflon.

Later at their dimly lit, depression soaked slumber party, Setsuna goes and congratulates herself on a job well done. Sekai is totally miserable, thrown into a spiral of low self-esteem and shame at being involved with her jerkass not-boyfriend, and just looks like she wants to get up and move on with her life. So of course, the logical conclusion is that she needs him, and Setsuna needs to go out of her way to steer them together. Despite Sekai seeming to do a better job dealing with it on her own.

Fool Meter: 96

Also, just for the record, Setsuna is also being a massive hypocrite when it comes to wanting people to tell the truth for Sekai's well being. And she's, no seriously, don't think I'm kidding about this, being a bigger douchebag about it than Makoto is.

I know. Seriously.

I'm sure that the writers never intended to do this, but I actually kind of love this scene. I love to pretend that Sekai is completely fed up with everyone and everything around her, so she just goes back to class, ignores her idiot friends, and ignores Makoto with a big grin on her face. Like she's found perfect inner serenity just by shutting up the idiot gang. And it's so effective, that even Makoto gets a little freaked out by why she suddenly doesn't give a damn about his massive sex bomb boner. Awesome, if a little creepy.

Ah.

Speaking of a little creepy.

So after class, Kotonoha makes a bolt for the train, saying that she's pretty much ducked and weaved around everyone, so the entire school couldn't conspire against her seeing her boyfriend. Which is both really pathetic and really, really terrifying. And she then snuggles up against his arm in absolute content, even though he looks like he's contemplating jumping out a window just to escape from her.

Yeah, and if this is making you feel a little uncomfortable, check this out.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell now?

What? What is this just. What? What?!

And when the hell did her neckline get so low?!

This is easily the ugliest scene that the show's presented thus far. Kotonoha, for reasons I can't understand, as her boyfriend is a cheating non-committal scumbag to two completely different parties, is now trying to bargain off her own body just to get his attention. To the show's credit, I think it's deliberate in making this scene as creepy and unsettling as possible. But by the way it's zoomed in on every breast and ass at the slightest provocation, and using these characters sexualities flippantly for pretty much whenever they need a punch line (yes I appreciate the irony, shut up), I'm having a hard time wondering whether or not this whole scene is supposed to be sincere.

Which sends it straight from creepy right into pants wetting terrifying.

And what does she bargain this all off for? She wants Makoto to dance with her. Once. At a school festival. Just because some guy told her there's some magic fairy curse that will bind her to her boyfriend for another year.

She's selling her body so she can be ignored and mistreated for another year.

This is terrible. This is. Terrible. God, go ahead and feel bad about that Makoto. I'm not even going to question your motives I just. God.

I need to take a shower.

I need to take three showers. With a hose filled with rubbing alcohol.

And yeah, Setsuna's moving to France.

I guess.

Ahgh gah can't take this. School Days, quick! Give me some superfluous T&A!

Ah, there, that cleared my head.

THIS SHOW IS STUPID.

Just here to give you a quick and friendly reminder that there are maid outfits in this show, worn by a bunch of girls who sit around like poster pin-ups without any character, while the men are working hard in the background actually doing all the work to keep the participation going.

And without further delay, let's get back to Kotonoha's slippage into insanity.

WAIT STOP.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

We get it, okay? We. We get it. Kotonoha's life sucks. We're supposed to feel bad for her. We get School Days, okay? Just.

Stop. Just stop. I can't take this now. Moving on.

So while the world continues to buzz saw Kotonoha to meat chunks bit by bit, a couple of potential spawners swing by, wanting to use special services. So we finally get a chance to see the sex booth in action, and

Wow. That is completely uninviting. Totally dark, metal bed frame, coat hangers dangling ominously in the background. I know I was taking a dig about doing someone right in the middle of a school-sponsered haunted house would kind of suck, but damn, I didn't know it was going to be to the extent of this. How desperate are these kids?

Fool Meter: 97

Make yourselves aware, audience. This is the face of bad sex education and reproductive awareness. Take your knowledge, and make the world a better place.

"Keep your heads up though--some of the kids are spitters. I saw one guy hawk one clear over the curtain."

Meanwhile with Sekai and the sporty tomboy who's animate so poorly that it looks like she's from a completely different show, all is not well. The other classes have managed to kidnap and/or summon little girls and the undead to pull their crappy class projects together to steal their business. But playing God came at a price. Now the even-more-underaged girl cafe and the zombie cafe have abandoned their quarters, spawning with wild abandon in the hallway. As their disgusting mating ritual continues, the hall is almost completely blocked. For the student body's creepy uncles, it is truly a dark day.

But our heroes move to the offense! I think. Setsuan then turns the entire class into a sort of army regiment thing. I guess. Also, I like how that even though the class would probably need only a few volunteers for waitresses, every single female member is dressed up in a maid uniform. And even though they've been previously established to have a work uniform, all the men just wear their conservative duds.

A bunch of maids and super-deformed anthropomorphic cartoon furries about kick the crap out of a bunch of little girls and zombies? I've clearly been dabbling in this media too long, because even I can barely hold back a "oh dude this is going to be SO AWESOME".

They are using fanservice as a weapon.

Yes.

And now we find ourselves in that strange gray area of awesome and uncomfortable.

I shudder to think how many people are burning out their tapes at this part. Even in the context of this show.

And so with the power of niche Japanese kinks, for the first time in the history of the series, a significant male population springs out of nowhere to admire the tiny space of skin between a girls skirt and her silly anime socks. Somehow managing to have their own uniquely horrible hairstyle with the exact same face between them.

Just like I was going on about Kotonoha's parents theoretically existing, I know he's probably like a teacher or something, but an adult in any sort of context of this show makes everything about a billion times worse. There's something philosophically disturbing about the fact that this isn't some sort of fantasy land or some A Clockwork Orang-like post-apocolyptic landscape. And then my mind starts wandering to the fact that it's highly likely that adults made this show, and then suddenly, it takes three days longer to so much as look at this review again.

Fool Meter: 98

And then I guess there's some sort of stampede, like the zombies and little girls decided to start fighting back, so they all sort of. Charge back or something and then

I guess one of them slips on a banana peel somehow and then they all

fall down right on top of these two and somehow manage to make a huge bend and crash right into the classroom which then dogpile

on Hikari I guess and

I really just

don't know

That happens.

So after the event, suddenly there's a huge pile of cartoon coprses laying on the floor that need to be taken care off. But it looks like they'll never get to put it back together in time for tomorrow, as the six of them are the only students left in the school alive. Not that it's a big loss. Between a love shack in the middle of the haunted house and the other two classes, they've already lost "Most Likely to Cause an International Scandal" this year.

But Setsuna, continuing to violently oppose dignity, decides to bend over and get to work cleaning everything up. Makoto makes a disparaging comment about her work ethic totally cramping his style, Sporty Tomboy's breasts inflate about a cup size from panel to panel, and all of this inspires the class to work together to get the class all cleaned up and get ready for whatever horrors tomorrow brings.

And they'll be quite a lot of those.

So thanks to The Power of Friendship, the class will get to participate in the festival tomorrow. Hoo frigging ray. Sporty Tomboy must have had contact with some reality warping space worm last episode, because her character design continues to spontaneously mutate. I'm surprised that the animators can stay consistent with Hikari's hoop-skirt pigtails, but they can't quite seem to grasp what short hair looks like.

Meanwhile, since Sekai now has way too much autonomy to just sit around and let the plot try any more of its attention getting devices, the writing team has to find a quick way to shoo her out of the storyline for a bit more. Off to serve the people at the Skank Denny's with her! Kind of sad that proactivite female characters and female characters willing to wear evocative outfits are pretty much one in the same in this show's eyes.

So Taisuke is all like "ur hur sex" and Hikari's all like "hey we were totally demeaning ourselves too notice pig man NOTICE CRUSH I HAVE", and damn. Why is it that Taisuke looks creepier and creepier to me with every rendering? I guess they're trying to make him look more masculine or realistic but he just ends up looking really NYRGGH HRRN. I think it's his eyes. I mean, all the eyes are horribly off, but something about them look tiny to me, probably because they're two and a half eyes apart. Throw in the fact that his design being "realistic" and "masculine" kind of imply he's a male audience stand in and NNRRRRGH HRRRRRRRN

NYRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN

After the body's go sleeping with the fishes, Setsuna FINALLY drops the big plot twist that she's going to be moving to France. I can understand moving as far away as physically possible these idiots and being reluctant to give your forwarding address. But if you are planning to reveal to the entire school that you're moving across the planet, as a general rule of tact, the day right before you jump on the plane is probably not the best time to do it.

Not to mention as Setsuna's great motivation behind her actions thus far in the story is revealed to be because she's worried about Sekai's well being in her absence. Caring about someone's stability and providing them information on when and when not you plan to move far far away for several years, possibly a lifetime, are generally two things that go hand in hand fairly well. So what gives bro?

Alright, never mind that your saying this when you have no idea whether or not Makoto is dedicated to his bone buddy or not, but I'll bite. Still got a couple things on my mind though. Like what reason you have to spring this on people so late that it's going to cause even more problems. Especially since it'll be short to impossible to get all of your affairs in order while the entire school's immersed in a festival. So what's the deal sister?

And we have plenty of previous characterization to back this up. Like the fact that she'd kick men across the room for so much at her friend in a swimsuit. And that every previous gripe she's had with the idiots in her life she's solved by calling them up on the phone and yelling at them. In fact, the only time we've seen her thrown into any sort of cataclysmic despair is when she got railed by Makoto, which just loops this all back around to what the hell are you doing Setsuna.

Fool Meter: 99

And here's where things really get stupid. Apparently, the reason Setsuna's been up in Makoto's biznetch is because she's basically grooming him to be her successor. No seriously. Since she's going to be moving to France, even though she's undoubtably known about this for much longer than Sekai and Makoto have known each other, since it's been what, a couple weeks? Maybe? Sekai has a crowd of friends she can fall back on. And even if they aren't super-best-friends or the equivalent, I think that Setsuna could have talked to all of them and just given them a "keep an eye out for each other, 'kay babes? Setsuna out."

And lets scratch out the much better parties that you've known for much longer out of the equation, leaving us with a more glaring question. Why would you pick Makoto? No, no, even better, why are you wasting your time under this assumption that, somehow, if you can rope him into just committing to one girl, even just for a significant period while you're gone, that's going to somehow be for Sekai's benefit. Have you seen how she's been in their relationship thus far?

And all of this, of course, is under the very generous assumption that, if you could get him to commit, you can somehow elevate Makoto's empathy level over that of a medium sized pumpkin.

Fool Meter: 100

OOOOOOOOOONE HUNDREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

This show was never a feminist anthem, but now we get into Setsuna's backstory, to further assure us that, don't worry, no one has any of that pesky little "independence" that can ruin good fap material, especially the token loli. Turns out that about a couple years ago, Setsuna and Makoto met at their school opening ceremony, and a couple of jerks teased her for being short. This sends her into a fit of anime tears, running to the scenic anime landscape to cry.

Alright massively out of character, but okay, sure. So Makoto comes up, says a couple demeaning things to her, and is so impressed that she's not a total bitch (just a tsundere, which is almost the same thing), that he goes on to say "aaw, da pwetty widdle ting is all big and tough", and says she should join the student council. Since she's acting like such a big girl by crying only a little bit.

So there you have it folks. The reason that the most authoritative, competent member of the cast is the most authoritative, competent member of the cast isn't because of her own drive, or her desire to help her students, or getting something to look good on her resume, and certainly nothing to do with her dead-pan, no-nonsense personality. It's because our lazy-ass protagonist talked down to her and said she should.

Fool Meter: 101

And of course, even though we've never have any sort of indication that she's felt anything like it previously, Setsuna is suddenly blushing, star-struck, and lusting after Makoto and his asshole personality as well. Because approaching someone's feelings with flippant attitude and treating them like a defenseless waif who can't make their own decisions would make anyone seem undeniably attractive.

Fool meter: 102

"Most girls just hit me when I tell them to do stuff!"

So we have to have the final nail in Kotonoha's coffin of despair for this episode. Now she's struck with the ugliest job on campus--cleaning up after the sex shack. I just hope all that trash stayed in the can. Don't need any more trauma on this poor girl's head.

I'm starting to think that, if you age her up about twenty years, Kotonoha would make a great romantic candidate for Ethan Mars.

So the sporty tomboy, looking once again like the animation team's taking turns on how to draw her hair, puts the moves on Setsuna, the cartoon heads are mounted as trophies warning any others of their kind, and we're all a little less faithful in the stability of this plane of reality than we were at the start of the show. Well, that's all I got for you this week, everyone! Now it's off to finish up cleaning and packing. The next time we'll see each other, I'll be at my own pad, bra. Safe trip everyone! See you next time on Fanbetch Reviews!