Faux-Poor Poorbetch Gaming Special

And it's not always fun time and fancy free with Uncle Stype. No sir! I've been up to my gills with stuff I need to do, like cleaning my room and meaningfully contributing to society and crap. Twenty-one years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope. For a destination. So in an almost disappointingly mature financial decision, I've decided to not buy games until I can secure my income, and be mindful of my purchases afterwards, since my girlfriend's education and my occasional consumption of food is more important in the long run.

So as is many mature decisions embarked by the weak of brain, spirit, and upper-body, my self-restraint wears thinner every day. It's embarrassing to admit, despite my criticisms of consumerism and materialism, I never quite got out of the "easily manipulated five year old" slot of commercial targeting. Dangle any old trailer in front of my face, and nine times out of ten, I'm going to get excited about the game anyway. And with the dust of E3 settling and everyone prepping up for the third-and-fourth quarter glut of game releases, I've been driven to drooling over bits of polycarbonate like a street urchin smearing their nose fog all over the windows of the village jerky shop.

But I am an artist. And if there are two things that artists are good at doing, it's explaining theory before actually sitting down and making something, and channeling misery into art. And I am an artist who works for you, dear friends. So, in my sage and wisdom, let me pass to you the gems of my salivation. I have presented but a small handful of games that, for whatever reason (mostly likely procrastination), have piqued my interest. You get a little guidance through the treacherous land of jayarpeegees, and I get to hear myself talk. So to my wisdom!

Final Fantasy XIII-2

Release Date: Winter 2012

Final Fantasy is the series that's in vogue to trash talk these days, but in this betch's humble opinion, it's not entirely deserved. You have to admire a company that has the integrity/balls/fatalism to go and do something else entirely every single time, frequently flying in the face of genuine success in the process. Maybe it's fatalistic, maybe it's a bad business move in today's gaming economy, but I admire the old horse for it.

That aside, I concede it is becoming the Disney of games. FF has become so big that it's become a task just to keep it's inertia rolling, let alone creating unique games while appeasing it's gargantuan media circus. Development times that are starting to push half a decade a pop, giving their fans plenty of time to sharpen their sticks on how this is not like the game they loved, when the game they love is supposed to be not the game they love by design the next time the bus rolls into town.

But despite being the latest edition to the controversy conga line proceeding X, I actually liked XIII. I wouldn't name my kid after it, but the characters and their relationships were wonderful, the world were colorful and interesting, and despite its flaws (which are numerous) it was still a lot of fun. And so I'm honestly excited for its sequel just out of wanting to see it's fully realized potential. Maybe it's a sham that I have to pay an extra half a Franklin just to see all the loose ends of my story tied up, but I'll give square a chance. There are games that have cut me deeper. Not naming any names Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn.

But there are a few things that are already starting to piss me off though. Who the hell is this? No, seriously, who the hell is this ponsy little brat? Why did you go take Yuna, turn her into a dude, and somehow make her less butch? I mean I've got no beef against generic prettyboys, but I do have a beef with why the hell Lightning is not the protagonist. You promised she was going to be the protagonist twice Square. I really don't want to play the "girl" card in all of this, but are you scared of putting a lady in the big chair? This is the third game in a row where you've had a female secondary character with a stronger tie to the plot than the actual protagonist.

That, and the soundtrack seems off to me. It's prequel's orchestral music was really, really pretty, but it was unnecessarily grandiose, and wasn't memorable enough to really do it for me. But I think Square hit the u-turn too hard. We've got rapping. In a Final Fantasy game. Don't get me wrong, from what I've heard, the music sounds great. It's. Oh, honey. Just no.

So yes, the majority of my complaints are not having an awesome female protagonist and a sucky soundtrack. It feels a little too true to my character. I feel exposed, somehow.

Aw, but all that aside, I'm still excited. There's not a lot of details out there as to what the story's going to be like, but it's already pushing into mind screw territory. And I'm down with that. The battles seem to be fine-tuned to be a bit more interactive, there's a lot more freedom to the world maps, and we finally have the much complained for HD towns. All I've wanted was a tightened version of the original, and it looks like what it's going to be. I'm not sure what they're trying to do, but you've got me interested, Square. Don't let me down now.

Catherine
Release Date: July 26th, 2011

If there's one thing I've learned from popular culture, it's to not cheat on your girlfriend when weird-ass magic crap's going down. Take the case of Vincent Brooks, loser white boy classic, whose girlfriend of five years, Katherine, suddenly drops the arriage-may bomb. To celebrate, he freaks out, gets wasted, and meets Catherine, a girl who looks about fifteen, walks around in a bra and nighty, and proceeds to puts the moves on him (also, media has taught me to never pursue what is basically a younger, sexier version of your girlfriend who you're on the rocks with).

So one thing leads to another, and Vincent ends up sleeping with Catherine. And then he turns on the news the next day, and learns he's done all this while there's been a rash of unexplained and gruesome deaths of every loser white boy in the district. Right he starts having really intense and symbolic nightmares. D'oh!

Gotta say, I was hooked on this the second I got the details. The developers seem to be trying to pull something of a mashup of Heavy Rain, Silent Hill 2, and Ico. And stranger still is that from what I can see, it's totally working. The game sound intense, man. Gameplay and story look so buddy-buddy that you almost have a hard time calling it a game. But it does seem to be striving for a high level of immersion and, like Heavy Rain, making everything you do in the game count. And I can't see anything but an interesting result, especially from the Megaten team. And the actual gameplay doesn't sound like it's for sissies.

The switch between the gritreal world and the nightmare puzzle world looks smooth and aesthetically pleasing. I put part of it on the game tight gameplay/story ratio, part on the fact that this is the first 3-D game developed by Atlus that actually looks good. Shigenori Soejima's art style is tragically difficult to render, and as can be seen in the Persona series, the game can really suffer for it. But with Atlus's first stab at high definition finally manages to do it justice. Combine that with what's shaping up to be a great soundtrack, phenomenal localized voice acting (Laura Baily, Troy Baker, and Liam O'Brian? Sign me up for the next war), and the dev team's reputation of melding the creepy with the cool, it feels like we finally get to see what Atlus can do with the tools to fully realize it's vision.

And despite being the classic setup of the paragon of virtue girlfriend versus the exciting sexy temptress girlfriend, it looks like it's going to be handled with an actual sense of maturity (for once). I think this may be the only game I've seen that attacks the issues and morality behind sex, sexuality, and relationships head on, instead of being an "edgy" flavor to story structure, or to bring the audience in through titillation (well, not intentionally anyway. Well, not often). I have no doubt the team can handle it, despite the fact that is shaping up to be a very uncomfortable game. These are the same guys who made Persona 4, and made a rainbow-colored stripper with a satellite for a head a legitimate representation of repressed sexuality. They've earned our trust, bro.

So, interesting premise, good presentation, reputable team, great VA cast, shiny graphics, and a general intent of going out and doing something different. What more can you want, right? A lot of companies are being picky when choosing games to localize as of late, so to whoever at AtlusUSA made the call on this one, may I say that you are to be praised on hands and knees. Should everything go well, I think this is the first of the newbie games I'll pick up once I get a little more cash (maybe a good way to celebrate actually getting a job/apartment, n'est pas?). Besides, if I pre-order now, I can get my very own pair of big boy underwear!

ICO and Shadow of the Colossus Remastered

Release Date: September 27th, 2011

If you have to sell your own legs to get this game, and the pay doesn't include anesthesia and the only tools of removal available is your neighbor's border collie, you still will have made the best purchase of your life. You are obliged, as a sentient creature, to buy this game. I have no doubt that this game will, somehow, be involved with The Rapture. Admittedly, I haven't played ICO yet, but here's me crying over the fact that I have to play it in gorgeous high-definition back to back with probably the best game in the universe made by the same team as the aforementioned best game in the universe. THE BEST GAME IN THE UNIVERSE. There might be a better game out there, somewhere, but it's probably good in the same way James Joyce is considered a genius and Dan Savage is considered a legitimate advice columnist. And it's probably in French. And on the Dreamcast.

I can't think of a game more deserving of a remaster, and from the looks of it, the collection was given a lot of love in its redefinition. From what I've read on Jack Gaskill's blog, they broke their backs making sure that every single detail was polished to perfection, even adding a few much-needed visual effects to keep everything consistent on next-gen software. I tragically can't speak for ICO, but going by what screens I've seen, it's shaping up to be a sexy beast too. No small thanks goes to Team ICO's brilliance when it comes to detailed minimalist graphics in their original, but it's shaping up to be one of the best games you can get for this gen's console when it comes to breathtaking aesthetics.

For those of you who like bangs and whistles, the game will also have full 3-D support and trophies, on top of all else. 3-D is excellent bro, but I'm not sure what I think about the trophies. If you're playing this game for the achievements, there's something wrong with you. Period. And something about their inclusion almost feels a little gimmicky or insulting, like dumping ketchup on authentic Italian cuisine. Hell if that will stop me from getting every single one though.

I feel like I've told you nothing about the game proper, as I've wasted spit on nothing but describing remastering. But honestly, I have a hard time exactly describing either of these games. It's not because either of them are bad or weird, far from it. It's as if the thematic and story execution are a lot more primal, almost essential to the human condition. It makes it hard to measure it's exact literary merits, especially only in quantum terms of symbolism, common motifs, or literary mechanics . It's just. It's beautiful. They act as simple existences within themselves, and yet something about both seem grand, almost cosmic or spiritual about them. However you feel about my tastes, take my advice when I say that you're doing yourself a favor when you buy this game.

And now that we've gotten the definite drools out of the way, here's a small sampler of other games that will undoubtedly be good, but I place a more cautious sort of optimism on. Let's give them a look.

Dragon's Crown
Release Date: Spring 2012

Pros:

* It's Vanillaware
* It's Vanillaware's animation
* It's Vanillaware's animation in 1080 p

Cons:

* The Amazon's ass cheek is larger and with more contour definition than her face

* Story might be chilling out for this addition

* 2D animation + 3D navigation space = sad times

Skull Girls

Release Date: Late 2011

Pros:

* The world's shaping up to have a good balance of strange, self-referential, and sincere

* Vibrant and colorful art style

* Lots of girls kicking ass

Cons:

* High chance of Strong Female Characters

* Appears to be America's take on 90% of everything wrong with Anime

* A panty fighter? In 2011? U srs?

Final Fantasy Type-0

Release Date: TBA?

Pros

* Probably the most intense story the series has seen in a while

* Good variety of characters to play from

* PSP graphics look fantastic

Cons

* So much data to run that it may break your PSP

* Gainax ending all but inevitable

* Jayzus Squeenix, of all people, you can afford to export

Valkyria Chronicles 3: Unrecorded Chronicles

Released Date: TBA?

Pros

* Story and battle system have been fine-tuned from previous installments

* Character models no longer look like different heads sewn on the same body

* Latest entry to the rising star of JRPGs

Cons

* SCREW YOU SEGA

* SCREW YOU AND YOUR SUCKY MARKETING STRATEGIES

Don't Ever Say I Don't Tell You What I Want For My Birthday

By April 2011, I will be twenty one years old. If you can stop sobbing for a second, that means that I'll be a fully competent legal adult, which means I need to do fully competent legal adult things like signing contracts and drinking and actually getting my driver's license and stuff. So how would you plan to commemorate such an event? A gift perhaps? Would you want to get me a car or a trip to the tropics? Hell no! What I'd want is the

REMASTERED

ENGLISH LICENSED

FULL DVD SET

OF MY FARRIT ANIME EVAR

REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA

I'm not going to yammer on too much about everything I adore about this show: that's a enormous blog post for another day. But I will tell you this, friends and comrades: this is mankind's opus. This show is so brilliant, I'm pretty sure it's self-aware and simply revising itself from within my laptop every time I watch it. It has something for everyone. I have owned the...completely legally acquired show for more than a year, I have watched it at least four times, and I am still finding something new in it every day. Literature kids will be catered to it's subtle references to literature from Opus to Shakespeare to Classic Grimm Fairytales, history lovers will glee at it's treatment of Machiavellian theory and references to the House of Borgia, artists will love it's multiple-episode references to Manet, French Baroque, and Michaelangelo, psychology buffs will enjoy teh Freud, Jung, and careful observation of the nature of victimization, sociology geeks will enjoy references to Levi-Strauss, the nature of women as the gift, and an analysis of the incest taboo, and pervy animu fans will go crazy for DURR PURTY R MAKIN OUTZ AN GJEH N STUFZ!!!1!!

But for all of this intelligence, it's got a wicked and wacky sense of humor, a messed up beyond belief but still endearing cast, edgy and progressive material without banging your head into the wall about it, and just a general interesting, driven, and captivating story. It's something that hooks you in and doesn't let go. It's surreal and acidic, but even if you aren't combing through every scene to figure out every single reference, it can stand on it's own as a very interesting and very powerful tale. Additionally, even though the animation was clearly made on a limited budget, you can tell the team played the hand that they were dealt with to its fullest, with scenes ranging from subtle and sinister to burn-in-your-brain stunning. In my opinion, this is the girl's answer to Evangelion, and even though I'm probably going to start a fight by saying this, it's the more enjoyable show. It can beat Eva in neither animation, action sequences, large scale political intrigue, or its unique apocalyptic feel. However, in depth, intelligence, characterization, story, and even in the surrealism and complex psychology that Eva's famous for, Utena's the winner hands down. It can't beat Eva in a bar fight, but it graduated from college top class and with honors while Eva was a C/B student famous for getting into said bar fights.

But S-Type, you say, how can this anime be so darn good and I've never heard of it before? I mean, I've seen it batted around in the cult classics forums but nowhere else. How come this never made it to the public radar? Well kids, there's a funny story. RGU is notorious for being screwed over by English license after English license. The ball got passed around between one or two American companies for about a decade, and the one that most Utena fans had their hopes on, Central Park Media, went bankrupt last year. Poor RGU, like a monk on a quest, was thrown on the streets with nothing but the clothes on its back, as fans ground their teeth in frustration and continued to circle the tapes. Ugah, and don't get me started on the dub. While there are some bright spots (Crispin Freeman as Touga?!)...yeah. No. Not touching that.

It seemed like a double kick in the nuts when not long after, the remastered version of RGU announced. With a liquidated license and nowhere to go, it seemed like there was no chance that it was going to hit American shores. And there was not any rejoicing at all. However, just last month at anime expo, Nozomi and Right Stuf Entertainment, one of the best in the business in taking fan-favorite anime under its wings, has announced that they are going to pick up the remastered version of Revolutionary Girl Utena for release in 2011. So let me reitorate. By next year, after being bitched around for about a decade, on state shores, we will have the

REMASTERED

ENGLISH LICENSED

FULL DVD SET

OF MY FARRIT ANIME EVER

REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA

Now go forth friends, and be you of good cheer.

The Trials of the Writer

I have officially been working at Walmart for two days, and it has only confirmed that I will go insane unless I manage to find a job I love. It doesn't help that I've discovered my position is "temporary setup", which loosely translates to "heavy box bitch". The red flag really should have come up when I had to watch three separate videos on safe lifting. Needless to say, the alarm was blaring when I was casually asked to put three air conditioner sets back on the shelf all by myself.

Anyway, to the point. The more I work, the more I have to focus on the fact that my job is merely a stepping stone to my true dream-to be a writer. Oh yes, that's the life for me! To be a smarmy, skin-so-untouched-by-natural-light-it's-translucent little glass'd nerd banging at a laptop today as a career. To actually kick back and to listen to the little voices inside my head for pay. And I'd watch the scholars find complex symbolism in my work and rub it in the face of the next generation, thus inspiring them to hate my work and write their own as a retort. And I'd watch as the beloved characters I create are worshiped creepily on the internet, and portrayed as out of character, deviant, overly-angsty lunatics in fanfiction. That is the life I aspire to. This is the world I wish to be a part of!

However! I am not so naive as to know that I have a long way to go before I could ever be in this pantheon, this elite, this heavenly sphere of rich smartasses. It's a massive, brutal road, filled with blood, sweat, and overpaid agents. There are pot holes at every corner, and it takes every little bit of free time you can spare. And you know, being a writer isn't really easy. I'm not kidding. As the title of this blog suggests, there are many massive challenges a writer must face, even outside of getting published and screaming groupies.

WALMART

As mentioned, publishing doesn't happen overnight. A newbie writer is lucky if they get their first book published within two years, and that's without a writer's inherent massive sex appeal. So a writer has to find another way to keep bread on the table, which means a writer needs at least one sucky job on the side. True, getting a sucky job to finance a better career isn't exclusive to the writing field*, but like any creative job, it's a part of the process to the point of being a rite of passage. However, if you're a writer and currently are worried about putting bread on the table, look forward to my next post plugging some excellent recipes for rejection letters.

It's sad, but every good artist, a writer included, needs to eventually look forward to working at a job that is a tad less endearing than one would hope for. On my repertoire, I have worked as a cashier, a heavy box bitch, and a bar wench. And that's just summer jobs. There's something morbidly exciting about wondering what sort of strange and unnatural job I'll get when I'm done with school and out on my own. I'm hoping for either plucky young twenty-something amateur sleuth or sky pirate. Though I'll probably end up working at Starbucks, which is almost kind of straddling the two. Especially with those new mansion with a huge inheritance secret death star kiosks.

I NEED AN EDITOR

I am not an idiot, even if I know five year olds that have a better grasp of spelling and grammar than I. I don't know what it is, but I have no eye for the mechanical aspect of writing. My loyal and beloved readers (both of them) have each found multiple typos and mistakes in my work, despite my hardest efforts to proofread and double check and spell check to my hearts content. I don't know how I've lived here all my life, spoken this language all my life, was reading by age two, writing ever since I was thirteen, and still always manage to forget how to spell "later" versus "latter". I look like I'm doing this on purpose.

If I'm going to be a writer, I definitely need an editor. Ah, that sounds so romantic. Someone who'll correct all your stupid mistakes for you. It doesn't matter if you just spit out a huge, gibbering mess with little thought or consideration, your editor will be by your side to fix up all your stupid mistakes with a bounce in his or her step and a smile on his or her face. Like a butler, or a friendly toaster oven. Mmm, I like the sound of that. But I'd think it would be hard to get someone in on that deal. I mean, do you know who Stephen King's editor is? I don't.

YOU HAVE TO WRITE ALL THE TIME

You really do. Books and articles don't write themselves. I don't know whether it's because I have a slow brain, slow fingers, or someone slapped a flux capacitor on my back again, but it takes a lot of time to write a book, or even just an article here on the blog. Certainly a lot longer than it does to think one up. I've spent the whole day on some of the these blog entries. The last Angel Food and Devil Dogs review took five or six hours to complete. Five hours is a lot of time!That's more than a season of Venture Bros dude! I barely have enough time knit, read yaoi fanfiction, and complain about how bored I am these days.

It's not that it's anything bad or anything. I love to write, so it's not that I regret spending all that time on it. But it can be a bit of a trick managing to balance it into your schedule, especially when things like going to work and actually needing to go to class get in the way. It doesn't help that I'm at a decided disadvantage by being one of the few artists out there who actually needs to sleep. I know some creative art people who can live on three hours of sleep a night, but if I don't get eight hours a pop, the nose goblins that live under my dirty clothes pile starts talking again. So I have to get used to going to bed at 10-11 PM again, which brings back uncomfortable memories of Middle and High School. And summer camp at the Y.

GENERAL INSANITY

Contrary to popular opinion, not all writers are inherently depressed, gay, or crazy. It's more of an occupational hazard. Like any good artist, a writer's job is to both represent and reflect life. And anyone who's lived life for more than five minutes is probably aware of what a massively stressful job it is. Not to mention us American writers have to do so with the English Language, the most gawrdawful cumbersome language there is. It steals words from freaking everyone, it has a million different grammatical rules, and then people go turn punctuation marks into faces. I have a hard enough time describing why The Police are awesome, and you want me to discern inter- and extra-personal cosmology? Why don't you ask me to play "Psychobilly Freakout" with my elbows and blindfolded while your at it?

Just like consorting with the dark one and full-time employment at the Gap, everyone feels the strain of writing a little differently, and everyone deals with it differently. Some people just get swallowed up and do go full-on insane, others turn to alcoholism, isolation, and chicks, or some people like me numb their personality on JRPGs and Britcoms. As for the gay, I have a lot of theories, but the most credible ones have something to do with Shakespeare and/or Microsoft Office 97.

IT'S HARD TO STAY PALE

Bloody summer. I swear, I was just outside the other day needing to warm myself up in the sun, because for some reason, they air condition the employee training room to subarctic degrees below zero. Eventually, since it is summer, I decide I start to feel a little hot, so I go inside. When I take a shower that night? Color. Freaking color. Granted, it's only like, a eensy bit and you can't even see it, but DANG. It's going to take me days to make it go away.

Writers have an image to preserve. I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure it is one. If anything else, every writer needs a visual trademark, and my brunette-to-black-hair against my whitest-kid-on-the-block skin with my monochromatic-and-sometimes-red outfits is mine. Tampering with the image of a writer violates the natural order. And even though I'm whiter than a fifties sitcom, I still have to be on constant vigilance. Doesn't help that I inherited the ability to tan at the drop of a hat from my Mom's side of the family. Needing to go outside-you continue to be the bane of my existence.

FREAKING WRITER'S BLOCK

Some people have an affinity certain good qualities in writing. Some people just seem to be really good at spelling and grammar (and in my opinion, very few people deserve a richer slap for being so...unless they want to be my editor, of course). Some people are really good at thinking interesting plots or narration. Some people have a gift at writing dialog so complex and nuanced that it makes you feel like you really are listening to people talking. Some writers are just good at that intangible, indescribable something that makes something fun to read. The nice thing about all of this is that with a little practice, everyone can get competent in these fields, and it becomes much easier to be able to summon them as time goes on. But nobody, and I mean nobody manages to go steady with inspiration.

Okay, that's not necessarily true. Like everything else, practicing thinking creatively will eventually lead to creative thoughts. The more you learn the rules, the more you learn to twist them and break them down. And yet for some, stupid reason, despite your best intentions, every once in awhile, inspiration will decide she needs to see other people, leaving you an empty mess, staring a a blank screen in Microsoft Word for the last hour or so. And like any other job, when a writer can't write, a writer feel like they've failed the universe. It's an ugly feeling. Thankfully, when inspiration does come back, it comes back with the force of a sledgehammer to the solar plexus. But still, the fact that the feeling will jump you despite best intentions is disheartening. The best and pretty much only method to deal with it is to keep writing things out and hoping good something comes eventually. It's as fun as it sounds.

ENDING STUFF

I've once been told that writing is a lot like flying a plane-the only really dangerous parts are taking off and landing. I've never had a problem getting any sort of written project off the ground, but I guess it's traded off in the fact that ending it is an ordeal. Like this post for instance. I have no idea how I'm going to tie up all the loose ends. I mean, should I go all classic and make some statement like "but in the face of all this, a real writer does not care and blah blah bloop de blah", or should I end with a funny anecdote? Summarize the events in a clever matter? Rick Roll all of you?

Ending any piece of writing is like trying to carry a tray of drinks to the table. Any old jerk can carry and empty tray to the kitchen and put a huge pile of drinks on it. It takes a real hero to be able to carry that all the way back to the living room, find the best place to sit it down, and do so without spilling everything all over the place. But when you do it, you feel like a million bucks. Maybe that's why I have a weak spot for stories that have good endings. They don't need to be happy or sad, but when an author can tie up everything just right, no matter how crazy and ridiculous the events may be, it doesn't feel like it was all that bad when you manage to walk off feeling like you're taking away something. And when you do manage to put that tray down just right without spilling a drop, you can't help but think, "Yeah. Yeah I'm awesome."

I think a lot of things are like that. It takes a lot of effort to do any sort of big project or long-term goal, or short term ones, for that matter, and you'll have good times, bad times, and you'll wonder if you'll ever be able to pull it off. But when you do manage to finish it, whether it just be your chores for the day or building a house, you can't help but wear that smug smile, nod to yourself, and be amazed at how awesome you are. Getting through anything from start to finish is no small task, but when you full it off, the feeling you have can't quite be compared to anything else.

And I still hate working at Walmart.

_{*Professions exempt from the sucky job clause include lawyers, billionare playboys by day who are superheroes by night, criminal masterminds, and milkmen.}

Hi Alex

It really must have been midnight last night-how did I ever think "of COURSE the guy who encouraged me to start a blog won't read it" ever crossed my mind? Let alone that he beat out Mom and Teresa. Thank you for the help starting and thank you for reading Alex. Man, but I feel privileged! Most people don't get constructive criticism on their blog until like, months in. I got one day two! Rock on lads!

Currently my day has been prepping for my brother's graduation. Maybe I am just a cynical young lass*, but I always considered the greatest graduation party to be the day you wake up and realize you no longer need to have a seven-inch-wide locker next to the fourteen-inch-wide jockass. But graduation is in the eye of the beholder. God help them, but some people actually really enjoyed high school, made lasting friendships, and really were proud of their accomplishments. So there are people genuinely sad enough about leaving high school and feeling the need to celebrate all they done.

But let's be real here; it's high school. This is the place where one moron can throw a bagel at the school principal and every peaceful, law-abiding nerd gets rounded up for an angry auditorium lecture on respect. This is where "yo mama" jokes are actually considered funny. We laugh at those animes where high schoolers actually do things like bump ugly in the elevator or in the middle of the classroom, but high school is actually the only setting I've really seen people who are stupid enough to want to try it and rebellious** enough to go through with it. My friend, the day comes when you have to hang up the heavily-graffitied backpack and move on.

And really, any big milestone celebration like these seem to be in the hands of the party throwers as much as it is the hands of the actual graduates. I know that my brother really would be content just taking his diploma and going out about the rest of his life, but I sincerely believe that there is something primal in every parent's brain to want to throw their kid a party. I don't know whether it's a part of mankind's innate social framework, the media's coverage of the sweet sixteenth birthday of insanely rich people, or just parents leaping at the opportunity to spoil their kids without actually spoiling their kids. Either way, it's a good life skill for us antisocialites-people are going to throw you parties whether you like it or not, and as an adult, you need to learn to buck up and take it.

Now that I think of it, I'm going to be graduating from college a year early, so I'm going to have my college graduation party a scotch earlier than this time next year. I've never been to one, but I heard they're a big, fat, hairy deal. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to dwell on that later though. Right now, I have to worry about my brother's graduation. Not to mention the thought of mentioning another party to anyone at this house ever will cause them to burst into flames and then explode.

_{* also known as a "bitter bear"}

_{** also known as "even more stupid"}

Welcome to S-Type's Special Place

Hello all you beautiful people, and welcome to Words To Live By! I'm your host, the lovely and charming S-Type. This is the infamous first post of the blog; you know, the one that one flounders around on trying to find the best possible way to define oneself and one's writing style to one's readers. The one that's before you've set up your own boundaries and break them, have ten million in jokes, and finally have people who voluntarily read and actively respond to your posts. Which reminds me: Hi Mom. Hi Teresa.

So, to floundering around: I am currently a 20-year-old English Major living with my parents in a small forest in Central New York State. My hobbies include writing, drawing, doing nerdgirl things like watching animation and British television and playing videogames, amateur knitting, philosophizing, thinking of new ways to get a ticket out of this two-bit town, and wandering around aimlessly. One of my biggest dreams, but far from the only biggest, is to be a professional writer, especially if I can make people laugh. I've really been into doing sarcastic web reviews (sarcasm? On the internet? How unconventional! < /irony >), and if I can get the equipment, I'd like to do video reviews someday. But for now, I'm happy to blog around and see what I'm capable of. And of course, try to get some feedback into ways I can improve.

Updates may be a scotch sporadic for a little while. In my wisdom, I've started this blog not only at the advent of my younger brother's graduation from high school, but at my recent (and desperately needed) part-time job at Walmart before I go back to school. I will try to have a proper post out as soon as I can for your entertainment. So until then, enjoy the last sentence of the first post.